Luc Wales Blog

Nicknames For People On My Floor

2010-03-10T22:15:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of this year I vowed not to get involved with the people on my floor because of the best year ever last year. Inevitably, it happened though. I'm on a hello basis with about 10 people, and ultimately know nothing else about them personally (other than I'm allowed to say "Hello" and ask them how they're doing, which sucks, because apparently I suck at hellos). Since I know nothing about them personally (or even some of their names) I've given some of them nicknames to remember them by. Here is the list so far:

Hat Guy
Patrik Elias
Peter
Braces guy
It's all about Halak Guy
British chick
The Olsen twins
Ripped Xbox guy
Hot chick with ugly boyfriend girl
New Doorn
Sewer Rat
Side-burns-to-ears guy
Bitchy lip-ring girl
Ash Ketchum
Jacket Guy
Fag from my film class Guy
Tina Fey
Elastic jogging pants guy

That's all the names I can think of at the moment. If I remember anymore of them I'll post an update.

Out of 70+ people on this floor, there are only two I would ever want to be friends with. That's pretty pathetic guys...

Oscar Picks

2010-03-07T14:52:00.000-05:00

Just a few of my picks for tonight's Academy Awards:

Best Motion Picture Of The Year: The Hurt Locker

Best Performance By an Actor In A Leading Role: Jeff Bridges

Best Performance By an Actress In A Leading Role: Gabourey Sidibe

Best Performance By An Actor In A Supporting Role: Christoph Waltz

Best Performance By An Actress In A Supporting Role: Mo'Nique

Best Achievement In Directing: James Cameron

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly For the Screen: A Serious Man

Best Writing, Screenplay Based On Material Previously Produced Or Published: Precious: Based On the Novel Push By Sapphire

Best Achievement In Cinematography: Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince

Best Achievement In Editing: District 9

Best Achievement In Art Direction: Avatar

Best Achievement In Visual Effects: District 9

Best Animated Feature Film: Coraline

Best Documentary, Features: Food Inc.

Luc Gets Off His Ass And Goes For A Walk

2010-03-06T15:54:00.001-05:00

I went for a little stroll today in Ottawa. I walked from Carleton University, through a few parks and across a few roads until I ended up in the Candy Cane village and then on to Carling Avenue. I've stayed in a hotel on that street before so I thought I'd go to the West Gate mall. It took about 50 mins to walk there, great exercise, great to get some fresh air!

On the way I saw a helicopter take off and almost blow me away, and mental patients at the Royal Ottawa Mental Hospital. Fun stuff! Reminded me of Shutter Island.

Once I got to the West Gate mall I remembered how shitty it was. The only upside was that there was an RBK store closing and everything was dirt cheap! I bought an $80 jacket for $20 and a $30 hat for $7. Amazing!

The Jacket is more or less the same color as the hat. NOT BLACK!!!!

I also managed to take a few snapshots when I was out:

The top picture is of a curling rink from OFSAA 2006 in Ottawa. No idea it was so close to Carleton! We finished like 14th I think. Feel free to make fun of me in the comments.

The second picture is of some fort thingy on top of a hill. I wanted to go up and look at it, but there were mean looking dogs guarding it.

Last picture is of a little stream that flows out into the canal. You wouldn't even know that this picture was taken in the city! Great place!

My Proposed Changes To The National Anthem

2010-03-04T08:20:00.000-05:00

Lets face it, the anthem is outdated. I've manufactured something a little more current, that a majority of Canadians will enjoy:

(sung to the tune of O' Canada)

O Sidneyyyyy!
Our home and non-native man!
True patriot love in Cole Harbor Land.
With glowing hearts we saw thee goal,
The way you beat Miller between the knees!
From shortside,
O Sidneyyy, we all got drunk for thee.
Gaaaarrrryyyy, keep NHL players in the IOC!
O Sidneyyyyy, we all got drunk for thee.
O Sidneyyyyy, we all got drunk for thee!

Someone Buy Me This:

2010-03-03T17:21:00.000-05:00

Canada > U.S.A.

2010-03-02T12:29:00.001-05:00

Sunday morning I awoke to the biggest day in hockey history for my generation, but I didn't know it yet.

My buddy had been waiting for me outside of my building for 40 mintues, so that he could come up and start preparing for the biggest game of our lives. Little did we know we'd never forget this day. EVER!

We watched Salt Lake City Highlights. We watched the 2007 World Junior Highlights. We watched the 2009 World Junior Highlights. We watched the Henderson goal. And just to remember what this game was all about, we watched the U.S.A's winning goal at the 2010 World Juniors. We went Youtube crazy all morning with highlights!

After lunch my buddy and I did one last piece of business before everyone showed up to watch the game, the video game result. In the video game the U.S.A. beat Canada 5-4.

To bad video games aren't reality, eh U.S.A.?

The boys started arriving and the beer started flowing, mostly into me at the start of the game, but whatever, I couldn't handle the nerves anymore!

The pre-game may have been the longest half an hour in the history of the world, but when that puck dropped everyone was on the edge of their seat!

A tazzer from Toews (clutch) for Canada against the Americans and it's 1-0. The room goes absolutely wild!!! Knocking on the window to a guy below and seeing him start cheering was amazing!

Perry out in front.....SCORESSSSS 2-0 CANADA!!!!! Looking like we are taking home the Gold medal boys!!!!, .....but wait:

Ryan Kesler with a beauty tip in for the U.S.A. and suddenly the Americans are back into the game heading to the third period. Ohhhh, the intensity!!!!

Mid-way through the third period it's Heatley with not one, but TWO chances and Miller absolutely stones him to keep it 2-1 Canada!!! WOW. I think I was kicking my empty beer cans all over at that point.

Only 25 seconds from GOOLLLDDDDD.....Parise ties it :( and the call make Chris Cuthbert sound like an American snob just rubbing it in. We are heading to OT for the Gold Medal. Holy Shit guys, this is the stuff dreams are made of (like the boy in the coke commercial)!!!

And then this:

"...Iginla...CROSBY SCORES!!!!!.....SIDNEY CROSBY!!!!!.... THE GOLDEN GOAL!!!!!......AND CANADA... HAS ONCE IN A LIFETIME.... OLYMPIC GOLD!!!!!"

I don't remember much after that. I broke my watch. I was on top of people, I was underneath people, I was soaked in beer from head to toe. It was the best moment of my life. We jumped around and celebrated, and then all sang O' Canada together in front of that glowing tv at dusk. We ran down the halls screaming and jumping and knocking on doors, though most the people on the floor wouldn't understand. We sang O' Canada with strangers in the elevator and danced around. None of that compared to what happened next.

In my drunken state, and after hugging and high fiving people all around campus, the greatest thing happened. Me and my buddy stood up on a chair, in the middle of the Carleton Caf, told everyone to stand up in the entire caf, and we sang O' Canada, and everyone in the caf sang along. I've never seen anything like it, I don't have any words to describe, and I'll never forget it. Standing up on a wooden chair and lead hundreds of people in O' Canada may be the greatest thing I have ever done in my life.

After O' Canada there was high fiving, and going table to table to visit strangers and talk about the game.

It didn't sink in how big the result was until running down the tunnels after dinner. Two girls in wheelchairs were just screaming celebrating in the tunnels. I ran in between the two of them and gave them each a high five. How often would you honestly get to do that? Never. For one night, everyone came together as one around a single game of hockey, and a goal by a 22 year old kid who on that afternoon, not only became a man, but a Canadian Hockey Hero.

Picks

2010-02-23T18:48:00.000-05:00

NBA PICKS:
Golden State
OVER 205 Phoenix vs. Oklahoma City

HOCKEY PICKS:
UNDER 7 Canada vs. Germany
Germany +4.5
UNDER 6.5 Slovakia vs. Norway

Picks

2010-02-19T18:42:00.000-05:00

PARLAY: Toronto, San Antonio, New Orleans, Cleveland, Denver, Chicago.
Toronto
San Antonio
New Orleans
Cleveland
Chicago
PARLAY: Finland -2.5, Czec Republic -3.5
PARLAY: Germany +2.5, Latvia +3.5

Picks

2010-02-18T18:38:00.000-05:00

Canada -4.5

Small board tonight folks. College Basketball is always brutal to me, hence the skip. NBA board sucks tonight, hence the skip.

GO CANADA! Cover that spread!

Canada Vs. Switzerland Preview

2010-02-18T14:13:00.000-05:00

Canada takes on Switzerland tonight on CTV at 7.30 ET. Once again I play radio host below, giving a quick 5 minute preview of my thoughts on tonight's game:

Sweden-2 Germany-0

2010-02-17T23:50:00.000-05:00

LUC'S THREE STARS OF THE GAME

***- Loui Eriksson (1 Goal)

**- Henrik Lundqvist (25 Saves)

*- Mattias Ohlund (1 Goal)

Silver For Canada!

2010-02-17T23:40:00.000-05:00

The Medal-A-Day streak continues for Canada as Marianne St-Gelais has won a short track speed skating Silver tonight at the Oval. St-Gelais turned 20 today, and what better way to celebrate than with an Olympic medal. (Alcohol is pretty sweet too)

What I can't get over is that she is a year younger than me and has accomplished so much more. I feel so useless compared to these athletes.

What else is puzzling me tonight is whether or not she is hot? I can't make up my mind about her. I want to say yes?

Cinch

2010-02-17T22:23:00.000-05:00

I discovered this little podcasting site called "Cinch". It's SOOOO easy to use! If you're ever wanted to host a show/podcast but have never had the time or technical experience than this is the site for you!

I recorded this horrid "Cinch" earlier tonight. Enjoy:

Picks

2010-02-17T18:45:00.002-05:00

PARLAY: Sweden + San Antonio + Miami + Atlanta
San Antonio
Miami
Atlanta
Sweden -4.5
Under 6.5 Goals Sweden vs. Germany
PARLAY: Czec Republic + Sweden

Finland-5 Belarus-1

2010-02-17T17:37:00.000-05:00

THREE STARS OF THE GAME

***- Niklas Hagman (2 Goals)

**-Vitali Koval (40 Saves)

*-Mikko Koivu (3 Helpers)

About Last Night...

2010-02-17T14:57:00.000-05:00

THE NEGATIVE: In a game that had Canada favoured to win by at LEAST 7 goals, they sure didn't look to sharp in the first period. Call it lack of chemistry, call it pre-tournament jitters, but when you're shooting on a goalie that has a day job as a carpenter, you think you would be able to bury at LEAST one goal over 20 minutes when you have the best hockey players in the world on your team! I don't care what the first period shots said, I don't care about Norway's lack of offence, the first period of last night's game was an even playing field, and that makes me a little worried going into Thursday night, not to mention the 5 power plays and two man advantage we gave Norway.

STORY OF THE NIGHT: Iggy started the game on the fourth line, and by the end of the game he was playing on the top line with Crosby and Nash. Even more importantly, he was a trending topic on twitter after the game. With two goals I think we'll be seeing Iggy on the top line come Thursday night against the Swiss.

THE SKY IS FALLING: Another thought I had during last night's game was in regards to Brendan Morrow. Why is he on the team? Take out your pencils Canada and scratch out Morrow and insert Stamkos. NOW that would be an unbeatable team!

BETWEEN THE PIPES: Roberto looked good, even though he only had to make a few saves. If Brodeur flops maybe he has a chance of getting the start against the U.S.A.? Doubt it, Marty all the way.

PLAYER OF THE GAME: Sid The Kid, setting up the goals all night! Iggy deserves mad prop's along with Rick Nash and Dany Heatly as well.

NEXT UP: Switzerland on Thursday night!

That's Wrong...

2010-02-17T14:23:00.002-05:00

Winter Is Back In Tweed!

2010-02-17T11:20:00.000-05:00

This is the view from my window this morning. It snowed overnight, and is STILL snowing out now! I don't think it was even supposed to snow last night. The point is, my little town has been transformed back into a Winter Wonderland once again :D

Canada-8 Norway-0

2010-02-16T22:20:00.002-05:00

To no surprise, Canada blew out the Norwegians tonight in a 8-0 victory at Canada Hockey Place. Full story and recap at ctvolympics.ca

Picks

2010-02-16T18:48:00.001-05:00

PARLAY: Portland + Canada + Russia
PARLAY: Russia By 5 Goals + Canada By 7 Goals
Norway To Keep It Within 7 Goals
PARLAY: Canada + Russia (all the money you can afford to put on this, do it!!!)

Portland is playing the joke of the NBA the Clippers

Canada is wayyyy better than Norway, duhhh

Russia is way better than Lativa, duhhhhh

Russia by 5 Goals because of the power houses on the team

Canada by 7 Goals because of the star power

Norway to keep it within 7, because since pro's joined the Olympics Canada has never won by 7+ goals.

Let The REAL Game Begin

2010-02-16T17:43:00.000-05:00

We've (Canadians) been pretending all weekend that we care about skiing, snowboarding, and oh my, was it ever tough to sit through figure skating! Tonight that all changes. Tonight Canada will destroy Norway in a battle that will be remembered as the highest scoring hockey game of all time, or will it?

The spread for tonight's game has Canada favoured by 7 goals, but I bet you didn't know that Canada has never won by 7+ goals at the olympics since beginning to send NHLer's to the games. And if that's not enough to turn you off from betting the spread, then just take a look at the U.S.A game today versus the Swiss. The Americans were favoured by almost 5 goals, and only won by 2. The Olympics are not the World Juniors people!

The OVER/UNDER is set at 8.5. It's a manipulative number to say the least (thanks bookies). This game is not going to be 18-0, like the Women's hockey game a few days ago. I'm expecting a 6-1 final score, and I'd like to think of myself as a pretty educated hockey guru when making this estimate. If this game ends up being 11-0 or so, then whatever, I was wrong, deal with it! I'm just saying, don't bet the blowout with your buddies tonight.

Finally, if this advertisement doesn't get you pumped for tonight, then I don't know what will:

Home

2010-02-15T21:53:00.000-05:00

I've been home since Friday afternoon, and since that time I don't think I've won a bet! I've lost 45 bucks over the weekend on various sporting events. Tonight I picked the Sweden vs. Slovakia women's hockey game to go OVER 9.5 goals. If that doesn't end up happening I'll be on ANOTHER gambling break (due to lack of gambling funds).

Right now I'm sitting on a huge couch, watching my huge tv at home, and watching some Mens 500M Speed Skating. I'm also sorta flipping back to the figure skating as well, but really, speed skating is a bit more entertaining. The point here is that thus far these 2010 olympics have been fucking amazing to watch!!!

Tomorrow's events include the first day I WON'T be able to go and play hockey in the morning because my brother goes back to high school, and my dad goes back to work :(. I'll be spending the morning working on a little research proposal and watching some Canadian Curling to kick off my afternoon. The next four days are the days I've got to make use of this break and caught up on some uni work! I'm laughing thinking of me accomplishing anything over this break, I just want to relax!

Canada vs. Norway in Men's Hockey tomorrow night. The game we've all been waiting for, sorta. Should be a bloowwwwwouttttt!

iTunes Most Played Song

2010-02-11T21:19:00.000-05:00

For a very long time Blake Shelton has held my most played song in my iTunes library. Today the torch is passed onto Jay-Z:

Empire State Of Mind is my new number 1 song!

Winning Streak

2010-02-11T20:56:00.000-05:00

As you may not be aware of, i'm on a gambling winning streak since the Superbowl. Essentially this means I haven't lost any money on bets since Saturday night. This means I'm up a lot of money!

The problem is tonight's board. It's a fifthly board to try to bet on. I've actually only selected one team tonight in the entire world of sport to bet on:

Why did I use the 80's logo? Because all the other logo's the Kings have had suck.

Anyways pick the Kings along with me tonight and you could winning a little cabbage! Lets get this winning streak to FIVE days. Go Kings Go.

Done

2010-02-11T17:51:00.000-05:00

I'm finally done! School is over for me for the next week and a half!

I'll be leaving the Ottawa station tomorrow at 12.25PM. Hopefully.

The train is the best way to travel. Even though it's a little bit more money, and takes a little longer to get where you're going, it's totally worth it.

With the Olympics just a day away, what better way to experience Canada then travelling through the backwoods of Ontario, and experiencing a portion of the Canadian landscape.

Mid-Term

2010-02-10T22:55:00.000-05:00

I have a mid-term in the morning on global politics. More specifically, International Relations Theory. Like I already don't hate Thursday's enough!

I think this a perfect time to use my Google Images searching skillzz (procrastination skillzz) to find this:

Yep, this is basically the THEORY behind my night tonight.

Home in TWO days from now!

Comeback

2010-02-10T22:02:00.001-05:00

Since I creep on a gratuitous amount of blogs around the internet, I thought I'd start writing/posting on this old blog again. Expect lots of grammar errors and sports stuff.

I know the header sucks, and the layout, and it's overall boringness, but whatever, deal with it people.

BLOG CLOSING

2009-05-12T15:58:00.002-04:00

Blogger is so 2005.

I'm moving to Tumblr, they're more with the social media times.

Anyone with a blogger blog should really look into switching to Tumblr, I LOVE IT!!!

THE NEW BLOG LINK:

http://angryhabsfan.tumblr.com/

I promise you won't have to change your bookmarks or links to me on your sites again. This is my permanent home, or at least for the next few weeks :)

Isn't 2 am A Little Late To Be Taking It In The Butt?

2009-05-11T14:07:00.005-04:00

W.T.F?

2009-05-11T13:48:00.000-04:00

What I've Been Listening To

2009-05-10T16:23:00.002-04:00

My top ten played tracks for the week of May 4- May 10th.

10. Insane- By: Eminem

9. Hello- By: Eminem

8. Down To Earth- By: Peter Gabriel

7. Ain't Killed Me Yet- By: Eric Chruch

6. My Name Is- By: Eminem

5. 3am- By: Eminem

4. Then- By: Brad Paisley

3. The Way I Am- By: Eminem

2. Out Last Night- By: Kenny Chesney

1. Old Time's Sake (feat. Dr. Dre)- By: Eminem

SNL Digital Short: "Mother Lover"

2009-05-10T10:50:00.000-04:00

Dafoe's New Tattoo

2009-05-09T11:36:00.002-04:00

Tattoo + 10 Years = Regret

Sun Block Anyone?

2009-05-08T10:33:00.000-04:00

Busted!!!

Brother And Sister

2009-05-07T22:24:00.001-04:00

Long lost brother and sister? Andrew Payeur (left) and Bambi (middle)???

Happy 100th Post, Luc

2009-05-07T19:03:00.002-04:00

This is my 100th blog post, but who gives a fuck?

Here's a break down of the major events of my week thus far:

MONDAY: Mowed the lawn at home and did other yard work
TUESDAY: Yard work for my grandpa
WEDNESDAY: Applied for jobs that are non-existent
THURSDAY: Mowed the lawn for an old lady that lives near me and got a hair cut.

My week has been boring so far but tomorrow night that is all going to change. At midnight tomorrow Pickerel season opens in my area and that means getting drunk with friends, trying to win a shit-load of cash in the 20th Anniversary of the "Corn Cob Fishing Derby", and trying to avoid falling into the river. Sounds like fun to the hick in me.

So while you and your bourgeoisie families are sound asleep in your king sized bed's tomorrow night, I'll roaming the banks of the Moria River with a fishing pole in one hand, and a beer in the other.

Can't fucking wait!

Have Your Steelers Fans Spayed Or Neutered.

2009-05-07T10:13:00.000-04:00

Worst Album's...Ever

2009-05-06T17:59:00.004-04:00

Look At Those Mexicans Run!

2009-05-06T10:23:00.001-04:00

It's Offical, Swine Flu Has Won

2009-05-05T21:28:00.001-04:00

A Couple Of Funny Pics

2009-05-05T19:44:00.002-04:00

The picture on the top is Sean Connery (original James Bond) and the picture on the bottom is a Disney created poster for something.

How To Make A Nigerian Money Scammer Go Away

2009-05-05T15:41:00.003-04:00

Disgusting

2009-05-05T10:08:00.001-04:00

I think I found someone who whines more than Crosby. I don't care if this was intentional or not, he's still a disgrace.

Gardening

2009-05-04T21:40:00.002-04:00

Hector Reynoso Threats A Player Of Chile With The Swine Flu

2009-05-04T16:44:00.001-04:00

What I've Been Up To

2009-05-04T14:54:00.004-04:00

They say there is always a calm before the storm, well if this weekend was the calm next weekend better be a fucking amazing storm.

I pretty much did nothing at all this weekend. Saturday night I went out and played Tennis for the first time this season with Drew, and won (o-6, 6-4, 6-1). After that we watched the hockey game and everybody came home alive, no accidents.

Sunday I went for a 14KM adventure with my dad on the bikes, which was a bad idea because it was windy as fuck! We could barely peddle anymore, it was getting pretty intense on the shores of Stoco Lake.

Sunday night I watched the film "Doubt". It was pretty decent for a film that was about a priest getting it on with a little black kid.

Today, after 2 days of procrastination, I finally mowed the lawn at my house. I expect payment, Morris Wales. Tomorrow I have to go my grandpa's again and protect against the lawn Nazi's. (he wants his grass ROLLED, wtf??!?!) but still $$$.

I haven't found a job yet, nor have I put in any resumes. I promise I will force myself to do it by Wednesday!!!

Have a nice rest of the day and happy Star Wars day! I plan to celebrate by watching "The Empire Strikes Back" tonight.

Swine Flu Prevention

2009-05-03T16:55:00.003-04:00

Matt Dafoe is all set to battle the Swine Flu.

Economy Too Hard For Elmo

2009-05-03T15:48:00.002-04:00

2009 Kentucky Derby

2009-05-03T10:24:00.001-04:00

For those of you who missed the race yesterday or just plain forgot about it (me), here it is:

Creativity....continued

2009-05-02T10:17:00.002-04:00

Creativity

2009-05-01T23:52:00.002-04:00

...sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't. Tonight however, I'm a genius:

Karaoke Contest

2009-05-01T21:45:00.004-04:00

Tonight I learned just how lame I was on MSN. That is why instead of committing suicide I'm going to due something much more fun and entertaining with the rest of my life , singing (specifically karaoke).

Here is the proposal, in the comments leave the song you want me sing and the artist's name. Keep an eye on my blog in the coming days for the Lucas Wales Version. The goal here is to basically kill my dignity, instead of myself.

I don't know how big this will get, lets hope not very.

My Mood

2009-05-01T16:51:00.002-04:00

This pretty much sums up the mood that I am in today:

Have a nice day, you damn fools!!!

3 AM Trailer By: Eminem

2009-04-30T20:59:00.001-04:00

Is Eminem making a shitty horror movie or a music video? You be the judge.

My Last Day Of April, 2009

2009-04-30T20:23:00.004-04:00

I woke up at 9:10 AM which is much to late to wake up in my books. I had to pee really badly but didn't have the energy to get out of bed. I held it in (bad idea) for awhile before finally running to the washroom as my bladder was about to explode, everywhere. I had another case of the "bob" dreams last night so you can imagine how my day was.

I ate some Reese Puffs for breakfast and then decided it was a good enough day to get some solid biking in. With no real plan as to how far I was planning on traveling, I headed east on the Trans Canada Trail out of Tweed. I ended up going from the 102KM sign to the 90KM sign before I got scared of being mauled by a bear or wolf in the woods. The trip back went by much quicker and I think I was actually going a bit faster (to avoid any one-on-one bear conflcits that may have arised).

I ate two grilled cheese sandwich's for lunch then worked out, shaved (I know, I know), and showered. Around 2:00PM I started to watch the Canada vs. Czec Republic game which got out of hand, no surprise there.

My dad came home from work and gave me a free beer and then we had ham steaks for supper. That's right fucker, HAM STEAK! Fuck this whole SWINE FLU bullshit, I refuse to quit eating pigs because some man at a news desk tells me to, fuck off! Pigs are delicious.

After dinner I got my ass kicked in some Wii Golf and then went for a walk. When I got back I could not listen to music because my brother was watching Survivor (is that show still on?!?!).

I'm waiting for the Canucks to get their asses handed to them by the Blackhawks at 9:00 right now. My life revolves around hockey. Please, take me away.

How Doorn And I Converse On MSN

2009-04-30T19:43:00.002-04:00

Dream On

2009-04-30T14:44:00.002-04:00

I have a problem, and I think I need some help. I keep having these dreams about "Bob" and it's getting fucking annoying!! I wake up and feel like shit for the rest of the day after I have these dreams, it's eating my goddamn soul!!! The dreams used to occur about once a month but lately it's been every other night and I know something has got to be up. Maybe it's because I'm home now and old thoughts are entering my head because of the scenery and such. Whatever it is, I wish I could shut it off, it's fucking pissing me off! Advice folks? I'm losing quality sleep time here :(

Play Of The Year Showdown 08-09

2009-04-30T13:57:00.002-04:00

TSN.ca had a poll up for about the past month where you could vote for the play of the year. Today the winner was announced. Miikka Kiprusoff's amazing, diving paddle save on Kyle Wellwood has been voted the 2008-09 NHL Play of the Year. Kiprusoff garnered 55% of the over 50,000 votes cast in the final to claim the title. Enjoy:

My Day Today...(Yeah, You Should Care)

2009-04-29T23:59:00.000-04:00

I woke up late, 9:00 AM. I struggled to find some decent pants to wear down stairs to hide my morning wood. I tucked it in, and off I went. I ate Special K Vanilla for breakfast because my brother finished off all the good cereal (like he needs to be eating all the surgery treats). I ate the Special K while listening to a hockey podcast and waiting for my grandpa to arrive to bring his income tax over for my mother to do something with. After about an hour of sitting around talking, we went to his place.

Once we got there I had the joy of picking up sticks off the ground and garbage for the next 30 mins, fun! Then I raked around his hedges and bagged all that shit up which was annoying to say the least (I was not built for any sort of labour). Then he asked me to dig a trench around his hedge to get rid of weeds. OOOOOKKKKKAAAYYYY! Apprently the weeds are the Nazi's now and we need to dig trench's to defend oursleves from them and their evil ugliness (I highly suggest you dig trench's around your homes. It will prevent the spread of weeds and evil Nazi's in your neibourhood).

I got about halfway through the trench when I was informed that the Nazi's would not be coming for awhile, so I should come inside and have a steaming bowl of tomato soup and some toast (just what I want on a hot day, A FUCKING STEAMING BOWL OF SOUP!!!) Awkward conversation lead to me racing through my soup like a mad man to get back outside and digging that trench! Fuckin' Nazi's are on their way!!!

Once I was back outside I spent the next hour continuing to work on that fucking trench. I finally finished at around 1 PM. No signs of Nazi's at this point in the day. Then I had the pleasure of raking some more around my grandpa's three barns, FUN! I was back at home by 2 PM, thank god. (I did make a litlle $$$ for my efforts though :)

I promised myself that know matter what, I'm working out every day this summer, so despite being exhausted, I pumped some iron and then took a shower.

After the shower I made a sandwich and blogged. My brother came home from school and my dad from work. We had left over cabbage rolls for dinner, YUCK! I kicked my brother's ass in two games of WII Golf (the first game I set a new all time Wales Family record of -3). My dad and I went for a walk around 6:30 and then I watched Molson That's Hockey and then a bit of Obama's Address.

I closed out my fun filled day with the film "Snakes On A Plane".

The Latest Fashion Trend From Mexico

2009-04-29T23:51:00.002-04:00

I would draw a pig snout on mine.

Real Life Garfield

2009-04-29T16:18:00.005-04:00

Dude, This Tastes Like Ass

2009-04-29T14:03:00.002-04:00

This is how snakes masturbate. Have a nice day.

Blogging, Not My Forte, But That Is --->

2009-04-28T22:04:00.005-04:00

Got to be some of the best commercials of 2009, thus far. Well Done, KIA!

I've also decided against explaining my dream from last night. However If I can reach 10 comments on this post by tomorrow at 10:30PM EDT, I'll tell the entire tail of my dream in a super long post on Thursday. Get commenting, folks!

Happy Birthday, Dad

2009-04-28T12:22:00.002-04:00

First things first today on the blog, and that is my Dad's 51st birthday. Since he's such a big Shaina Twain fan, here you go Dad:

My dad is also a big fan of the new Kellie Picklar song called "Best Day's Of Your Life" (Co-Written with Taylor Swift).
But in all seriousness, Happy 51st Birthday Dad, you're the best and I could not ask for anything more in a dad. Thanks for putting up with me for 20 years of your life!

Old Men Are Always Better Pickled

2009-04-27T23:38:00.001-04:00

A sure fire way to fail a breathalyzer test:

Monday Morning Pictures

2009-04-27T23:09:00.009-04:00

Today was a bit of a weird day, but it went by fairly quickly, which is good because there is know place I'd rather be than at Carleton University. Anyway, I promised you some more pics from today so here they are:

One of the lagoon's in Tweed. Basically where are shit goes. It's actually really clean and beautiful for a place full of feces. I can still smell it as I look at this picture.

Another picture of the largest building for miles, the water tower!
Stoco lake from the Trans Canada Trail

I can see for miles.Sulphide in the distance.

Matt Wales is the definition of "hick". Also this was pit stop number 9.
It's up to your imagination. I'm tired of trying to be funny in these captions.

The Bacone

2009-04-27T21:10:00.002-04:00

Why is my left-arm tingling??? AHHH

A bacon cone filled with scrambled eggs and country gravy topped with a biscuit.

Swine Flu

2009-04-27T19:34:00.001-04:00

I think I know how this whole Swine Flu thing got started:

Don't Ram The Boobs!

2009-04-27T16:40:00.002-04:00

Boobs you say? Fuck I love Japan!

I'd play that game, and lose every time.

Monday, So Far...

2009-04-27T15:45:00.002-04:00

This morning I awoke to find out that my fat ass brother was not going to school today, It was a P.A. Day. On the topic of P.A day's does anyone remember having "Early Dismal Day's". What a fucking waste of time they were!!! I'd have to bus almost a hour into Belleville for two fucking classes and then bus back to Tweed to have an afternoon of doing nothing, so dumb, and I'm glad they got rid of it!

Considering the fact that my brother is soo overweight I decided to let him join me on my 13km biking adventure (pics tonight). Over the course of 13 clicks I had to stop 9 times for him to catch his breath and so he could "feel his legs again". It would normally take me about 45 mins to do 13 clicks on that route but today it took almost two hours with fat-boy tagging along. Why do I even bother?

When I got back non internet user: Morris Wales was home on his lunch break and I had an egg and cheese sandwich for lunch. I then went onto to pump up my already amazingly jacked arms and take a shower.

My goal of the day was to renew my fishing licence and I finally got that done after asking the wrong person (turns out he was just sitting in the lobby waiting to apply to get into an old folks home, WHOOPS!)

So now I'm all set for the day and I actually feel like I accomplished something worth while.

Sunday Morning Walk In The Woods

2009-04-26T20:28:00.012-04:00

This morning after breakfast non internet user: Morris Wales, Matt Wales, and myself, went for a walk out in the woods where our hunting territory is. I know you're probably as sick of these pictures being posted as I am, but whatever, it's keeping me busy.

Tree Stand. Looks pretty safe eh?

This is where they nailed Jesus to the cross

A fucking pond in the middle of no where.
Same pond, got a little bit closer this time though.God was about to start crying.These berries were delicious according to my brother. He died shortly afterwords.

Stone fence at Potter Settlement.
The stone fence. I don't have a funny joke for this one. I take my fencing made of stone very seriously.

The rock/hill we climbed. It was bigger in real life.

A view of the road from the car window.Some cows we saw on the way home. Tweed is the most exciting place on the planet!!!(please, someone, take me back to Ottawa!!!)

"You're Gay" ~ Matt Wales

2009-04-26T18:35:00.004-04:00

Yo, Cool Guy Wales here, let me holler at ya'll bitches for a second!

Last night I posted this photo with this caption:

The only thing that could possibly make this pic any cooler is to have a car coming at me. Or an angry cow

Well tonight after I finished diligently washing the dishes for my mom I found this picture on Digg that completes all my wildest fantasies. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do:

It may not be a cow, put still, a pretty sick pic ya'll!

Kristalks

2009-04-26T14:38:00.004-04:00

My friend just launched her first blog today, Kristalks!

Check it out by clicking here.

Bored On Sunday Morning

2009-04-26T10:22:00.002-04:00

Right now I'm bored as fuck and it's Sunday morning. My mom is cooking some breakfast up for the family (and complaining, try smiling mom?) and my brother is complaining about shit, of course (just over 4 months until I move back to Ottawa !!!:) ).

After breakfast I think my dad wants to go out on another nature adventure to where we hunt. Which will result in probably some more pictures for you guys, come tonight.

I feel like watching a movie on tv today, but I have know drive to look through the tv guide to find anything good enough. There's hockey on at two, four thirty, and seven thirty today so I suppose that will keep me busy for today.

I'm being fucking called to breakfast as I type this. I'm about to snap on my family, I can't take it anymore, I want to go back to Ottawa!!! FAAAAKKK

Ban The Klan

2009-04-26T10:05:00.002-04:00

Say "No", to Racism!!!

My Shitty Reviews: Bedtime Stories

2009-04-25T23:20:00.003-04:00

Tonight I watched the film Bedtime Stories with Adam Sandler. The best part of "Bedtime Stories" is when Adam Sandler tells the bedtime stories, the rest is a pile shit. Well I guess the parts with Rob Schneider are pretty good too, but that is it! Unless you are still old enough for actaul bedtime stories, then you may enjoy this film.

Just so we are all clear, I also hated You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Any Sandler films before Zohan were great, but lately it's like Adam has just given up on life.

I know this was a Disney movie, but still. Enchanted was probably the best movie I have ever watched in my life, and it was Disney too, so let's not pull the Disney excuse out of the fucking hat here.

Basically what happens in the movie is that Sandler tells his sister's kid's some bedtime stories while she is out of town, and then whatever parts the kid's add to the stories come true in real life. Pretty simple, pretty gay.

Even though this movie is pretty homosexual I'd still check it out. I had fun watching it's lameness. (in contrast to my coolness of course.)

Saturday Morning Walk

2009-04-25T21:38:00.012-04:00

Just like yesterday, non-internet-user: Morris Wales and I went out on a little nature adventure in the Tweed area (mostly to get me adjusted to the country lifestyle again). Matt Wales tagged along this time.

Today instead of biking, we walked about 8 KM. I'd post the Google maps link of the route we took, but posting these pics will take long enough as it is. I'm starting to feel like a woman posting all these gay pictures everyday, but here they are:

10 Cents, mothafucka!

A fucking sign, why not.

The only thing that could possibly make this pic any cooler is to have a car coming at me. Or an angry cow

A house, some cows, trees, lots of grass, and a fence.
Global warming is causing Tweed's glacier's to melt!! RIDE A FUCKING BUS! You selfish bastard!
Right before Morris Wales stopped to empty his baby bladder.
Look at me, being all artistic and such!
Ok, so a bit of a story here. These four Wheeler's passed us on the Trans Canada Trail and their gas thingy fell off and down the hill. They did not even stop to pick it up, it was full of gas! Oh, that's my tank of a brother, Matthew Wales, if you're wondering (the one beside the gas tank, on the left, you can't miss him).

Look at me, up on that their rock! I'm so "bro"

Nigga Squirrel! He's packing some heat!!! (and by heat I mean nuts)If you look closely you can see the white albino squirrel. Don't worry, I can't see it either.
I like this picture to. Look at all that mud. It's where I bring my victim's.
We made it back to Tweed ( thank god, way to many fucking bugs, I miss the city life :( )

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal?

2009-04-25T14:26:00.002-04:00

You want to hear about my boring life, Townes? Ok.

This morning non-internet-user: Morris Wales bought me this:

The greasiness gave me a huge boner.

After I ate this shit we went for an 8KM walk. I'll post pictures once the camera comes back from the crypt. (aka it's charging, hardcore).

"Natinals"

2009-04-24T22:32:00.003-04:00

I didn't know this until a few moments ago but last Saturday Adam Dunn of the Washington NATIONALS was given a jersey to wear. The only problem was that "Nationals" was spelled wrong on the jersey. Not only do the Nationals suck big time, but I guess the people that make their jersey's do to. Only one word describes this situation correctly, FAIL!

Belleville Bulls Are Gone Baby, Gone

2009-04-24T22:16:00.004-04:00

Tonight my Belleville Bulls were eliminated from the playoffs 7-4 by the Brampton Battalion. All I have to say is, FUCK YOU BRAMPTON!!! That goes for you to, Cody Hodgson. MOTHERFUCKER!

Isn't this the ugliest uniform you have ever seen in your fucking life. It's pathetic. Get some fashion sense Brampton!

The Battalion will play the Windsor Spitfires for the OHL title. Winner moves onto the Memorial Cup Tourney.

The 8 Bright Sides Of Having Octuplets

2009-04-24T20:58:00.003-04:00

1. Your share of the Halloween candy should last you until Christmas

2. The looks of jealousy you'll get from women who only have septuplets

3. Because of polarizing controversy, you'll probably get lucrative offers from fertility clinics and birth control manufacturers.

4. You can now shoplift TV's in your uterus

5. You'll greatly increase the odds of having an organ donor if you have health problems later in life... which, let's face it, you probably will, after having all those babies

6. You'll have created a ready supply of babysitters on hand to look after your next "batch" of children

7. No more upsetting nightmares about being chased or falling off buildings, since you won't be getting any sleep at all

8. There's now far less effort in lighting the menorah on holidays. (Jewish octuplets only)

Down Yonder

2009-04-24T17:47:00.014-04:00

First of all, I know I haven't written here since February and the links on the right don't work anymore but whatever, I'm back, bitches!

Having your own blog about your personal shit is conceded, period. I don't plan on writing all up in this hood to often so don't get used to it (I don't want to sound conceded all the time). A tip for all you bloggers out there: people don't want to read about what you did today!!! To gain readership you need to find your niche and then write about it. Mine's hockey, and my blog is slowly starting to take off. I'm hoping for some great success next season.

For today though I'm going to post some shitty pictures and some not so shitty pictures, you can be judge in the comments section.

Today I spent some quality time with my dad. We went for a drive, a walk in the woods where we hunt, and a two hour bike ride around the Tweed area where I'm from (REPRESENT). After we were done we came back and drank his beer. I had a pretty good day. The following are some of the pictures that I took while we were out on the bikes:

A house on a fucking island on the south side of Stoco Lake near my friend Cory's house. Who builds a house on a fucking Island?!?! Where do I park my KIA Forte?

Look at all that sexy rock. I have an erection now (and you should to {unless you are female. If you are female and have an erection fuck off, I don't want you anywhere near my blog})
Moria River flows out of Tweed and on it's way to Belleville. If you look closely, you can see some water in this snapshot.
Stoco Lake from the East Si-aid! You can see the water tower off in the hills (the biggest free-standing structure for miles)

Trudeau Park. If you haven't heard of it I'll post some pictures during May 2-4 weekend. The wildest party around (I think, I've never actually partied their because I suck).

Isn't it fitting that the best photo I took was right where I had my near death experience. Thanks Rivers!
These shoes have been on this tree since before I was fucking born! Kinda reminded me of the movie "Sex Drive".
Biking down the Trans Canada Trail with non-internet user: Morris Wales

Can't wait for fishing season in a couple weeks!!! Until then....?

If you look closely you can see the police tape from where I killed a wild bear with MY bare hands. Seriously though, I'm pretty jacked.

Morris Wales giving a big thumb's up to bum sex!!!

SuperBowl XLIII Picks

2009-02-01T10:11:00.002-05:00

As we all no the SuperBowl isn't about the football...it's about how much money you can cash in on off of it. Here are my SuperBowl picks on Proline and Pro Picks Props:
PROLINE:
- the game will be within 3 pts
- total pts will be under 46.5
=$40.50
PRO PICKS PROPS:
- under 5.5 QB sacks
- under 48.5 longest pass completion
- over 24.5 longest rush
- over 45.5 longest field goal made
- under 23.5 first half pts
- under 23.5 second half pts
= $84.60

The Acceptable Age-Difference Formula

2008-12-30T11:44:00.003-05:00

Over the years I've often been confused in terms of "how low should you go" in regards to the age of a female. Well I've Found a formula that will solve this question for guys everywhere!

Acceptable Age-Difference Formula

x = y/2+7

x=chick's age, y= guys age

So if I'm 19 years old:

x = 19/2+7
x = 9.5 +7
x= 16.5

The results show that at the age of 19 the lowest I can go is with a 16 and a half year old, not to bad.
Again to show you that the formula does work lets say I'm 40 this time:

x = 40/2+7
x= 20 + 7
x= 27

At 40 years old the lowest you should go is with a 27 year old.

2008-12-30T11:44:00.000-05:00

Live Blog: Canada vs. Germany

2008-12-29T18:58:00.046-05:00

Pregame: Canada wearing those new third jersey's again and did anyone else just see Ellis' trick stick?....wow!
Pregame: Canada is 62.5% on the powerplay so far in the tourny, and Pickard is in net for Canada tonight.
Pregame: Sweden says if they meet Canada in the final this year that "we will beat them"
Pregame: Sweden beat Latvia earlier today 10-1...this tournament needs some real teams
Pregame: I didn't no Tavares and Subban were such good friends?
Pregame:....btw you can get a coffee and a muffin at Tim Hortons now for $1.99....incase you didn't no
Pregame: Holy Shit!!! look at angelo esposito stick handle!
Pregame: So are Tavares and Subban dating...or whats going on there? lol
Pregame: I think this game is gonna be a lot closer than people think. I'll say 5-2 Canada
1P: Game On!
1P: Cormier smashes Muller of the Germans! lol
1P: wow Nice move by Ennis to get around a couple Germans and almost lost his legs in the process!
1P: Power play Canada
1P: 2 Man Advantage for Canada...all the penalties seem to be going Canada's way thus far in the tourney
1P: Zach Boychuk makes it 1-0 Canada!....Germans almost killed it off though
1P: German powerplay, Benn in the box for Canada
1P: Please Pierre, give me a reason to make fun of you!
1P: Another German Power play coming up...when will Gord Miller and Pierre McGuire break out the nazi jokes?
1P: Poor James Cybulski, having to put up with drunks in the stands like that lol
1P: haha see the linesman there? "Oh my, please don't hit me" *raises hands to protect himself*
1P: shots are 15-4 Canada as the Germans go back to the powerplay
1P: look at the goal judge back there behind the German net. That's money for nothing.
1st Intermission: I think everyone including me is having a hard time getting into this game? no?
1st Intermission: Habs and Panthers are tied 1-1 after 1 period
1st Intermission: Oh and as a little filler in between periods if your looking for a good hockey book look no further than Don Cherry's Hockey Stories And Stuff....great book thus far
2P: Game underway!
2P: Glad to see Cybulski got away from that drunken fool up in the nose bleeds
2P: Canadian Power Play, Subban hit with a hit stick
2P: Waited a long time to shoot but Benn finally sent the puck home! 2-0 Canada and nice reflex's by Ellis to keep that puck in the zone!...wow McGuire cummed a little I think
2P: Power Play goal for the Germans, 2-1 Canada
2P: Benn should have passed that puck and it would have been 3-1 Canada
2P: "shhh mountains are gonna change color"
2P: Canada pouring on the pressure!
2P: Giving someone the middle finger now is called "The Sean Avery Salute"
2P: Well I saw that penalty coming from a mile away....can't do that Teaubert!
2nd Intermission: 2-1 Canada after 40 mintues, hopefully my power does not go out again today!
2nd Intermission: I'm actually starting to get a bit worried this game could be heading to overtime
3P: Game is back on Subban goes end to end and Kane puts it home! 3-1, i can rest a bit easier now
3P: Canada is pissed now! and draws a penalty....awesome period so far!
3P: Glad the German netminder did not get his head cut off there
3P: Is that Lemieux and Gretzky on Chet's mask? Two man advantage Germany
3P: That camera angle from behind the net always makes me nervous for some reason
3P: TAVARES!!! in his office again 4-1 Canada, his 5th of the tourney...feeling safe now....don't forget my prediction of 5-2 Canada
3P: angelo esposito on the ice hurt...appears to be ok....maybe giving the boys time to rest on the PK?
3P: Reul (German who hit angelo esposito) gets 5 mins and game misconduct

Live Blog: Canada vs. Kazakhstan

2008-12-28T15:32:00.039-05:00

1P: Game is underway!
1P: Goal Jordan Eberle, 1-0 Canada
1P: Wow, could McGuire pump up Tavares anymore than he is?
1P: Myers taken out by a little Borat! How embarrassing
1P: Huge glove save Yankov! How come all the shitty countries always have amazing goalies?
1P: To put it into words what Gord Miller just said: out of the 30 people in Kazakhstan that no how to skate, 20 of them are on this team!
1P: Canadian Power Play this will be a quick goal for sure
1P: Sorry about the delay it's 2-0 Canada now on a goal from Benn (my laptop was being used to look at funeral home information)
1P: LOL basically a break away and Kazakhstan misses the net, wait until they start getting tired...
1P: Quit talking about how Tall Myers is Miller, for fuck sake! Nobody cares! Tsn ran a story this morning on how tall he is....that's a little sad
1P: Benn and Subban added goals for Canada and now it's 4-0 (computer taken over this time for a Sears Feedback Thing :S)
1st Intermission: Yankov weighs about 12 lbs less than me! Holy Shit!
1st Intermission: It's a shame Canada has to embarrass Kazakhstan like this but goals count towards whether you make the medal round and who you play and all that stuff
1st Intermission: Anyone else sick of those long Gatorade commercials with Team Canada sounding like they actually no something about dehydration?
1st Intermission: Someone needs to tell McGuire that he does not have to stand with his chest facing Gord Miller all the time, creepy
2P: 2nd period is underway, and i think i just saw angelo esposito pass the puck! OMG. Hodgson has now made it 5-0 Canada and Tavares is starting to take longer shifts....tisk tisk
2P: Penalty Kazakhstan....and here we go again....
2P: 6-o Canada...wow...did i call that or what?
2P: Shots are 26-2 for Canada.....lmao....ohhhh poorrr borat!
2P: 7-0 Canada Benn with the hat trick
2P: WAKE UP PEOPLE! Diet Pepsi Max
2P: James Cybulski can never stay in one place eh? He's all over the rink!
2P: Poor Yankov 8-0 Canada thanks to some nice passing and Ennis puts it home
2P: "When does the label turn into beer" lol I love that guy!
2P: OMG can't the ref's just let Kazakhstan get away with a few calls?
2P: Tavares is the all team leading power play goal scorer for Team Canada, 9-0. But could McGuire keep it in his pants when he talks about him?
2P: "Grossly Unfair"~ McGuire referring to Canada's talent on the fourth line
2P: Did Pickard just make a save?.....my lord whats happening to Canada!
2P: Oh and now McGuire is a football expert and a health expert. "Those Broncos are eating to well"
2P: STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING TAVARES!!!!!
2nd Intermission: Four goals in the 1st, Five in the 2nd and Canada has a 9-o lead after forty mintues....I predict a 11-0 final.
2nd Intermission: ...I hate the new Mr. Sub Commercials too
2nd Intermission: QUICK! How many times did Bob McKenzie just say "No Celebration"?
2nd Intermission: I agree with James Duthie, each time Canada scores they should say "Sorry" to Kazakhstan
2nd Intermission: "Crosby....Doesn't....Stop" lol I'm pretty sure I saw him cry last night on the bench

Well another problem arose so you can tell....my power went out for 2 hours. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this live blogging thing? Anyway I heard Canada won the game 15-0 via txt msg.

Area 51 Opened To Public

2008-08-20T18:27:00.002-04:00

Groom Lake, Nevada After decades of denials, the veil of secrecy that has surrounded the top-secret facility known as Area 51 has been lifted. Following the construction of a visitors' center and coffee lounge, the mysterious Area is now open to tourists.

"In recent years we've seen a change in the focus of domestic intelligence," said Agent Johnson of the US Bureau of Nefarious Matters. "With all the resources going to wire-tapping, we just don't have the funds to organise a huge conspiracy of this type any more. So we've had to make 51 self funding, hence the gift shoppe.

"Seriously, do you know how much it costs to put tracking chips in every copy of Islam for Dummies? Well, I can't tell you, because it's classified. But it's pret-ty darn expensive."

Visitors were plentiful on the opening day, as large amounts of Internet 'buzz' took the place of a more expensive advertising campaign. But not everyone understood the purpose of the sinister zone, famed in UFO folklore.

"I was driving to Vegas when we passed this thing," said middle-American father of three Chuck Polsak. "I thought it was some sort of Air Force museum, so I thought we'd drop in to have a look at this country's proud aviation history. Instead, I see all these pictures of Ike shaking hands with space-aliens and whatnot. I'm not quite sure what to make of it, but the kids seem to like it.

The conspiracy theory community was initially enthusiastic to the idea, but in some quarters this enthusiasm has given way to disappointment.

"For a while there, I was all like 'Wow! I'm in area 51!'" said Omaha based conspiracy theorist Larry Talbot, webmaster of reptilian-watch.com. "But it's just so... touristy. Sure, there's a frozen alien in a jar, but that animatronic Hall of Secret Illuminati Masters was just embarrassing.

"Do you want this churro?" he added, "I've just been through the Anal Probes Through the Ages exhibit, and I've lost my appetite."

Other conspiricy ~~nerds~~ theorists were just as let down.

"Years of my life in ruins!" sniffed Messengers from Beyond author Klaus von Hinterland, gesturing to a group of bored schoolchildren huddled around the interactive 'How Crop Circles are Made' exhibit. "All that painstaking work! Until I saw this place, I never realised just how dull it all was. Look there! Behind the Chui the Chupacabra mascot are the actual signed and notorised minutes of the Supreme Masonic Lodge's meeting where they voted to assassinate JFK, and I can't even be bothered crossing the room to read it."

"The Roswell saucer was a big letdown," said Rochester, NY resident Graeme Shellman. "It just looked like any pile of broken machinery. Hell, I was almost starting wonder whether it is a weather balloon."

"Hey, you don't think this is all, like part of the conspiracy, do you?" asked Graeme's wife, Laura Shellman, sipping forlornly at her 'Sasquatch Strawberry' thickshake. "Like, it's trying to suppress the truth by showing it to us?"

"I wish I could believe that, love," sighed Graeme. "I wish I could believe that. C'mon, lets hit the gift shoppe before they run out of embossed tinfoil hats in my size."

Barack Obama Accuses Michael Phelps of Stealing His Mojo

2008-08-18T12:00:00.002-04:00

First Kinda-Black (ish) Presidential hopeful, Barack Obama, has gone on the offensive today, accusing Michael Phelps of stealing his mojo.

"Look, there is serious shit going on back here in the good ol' US of fuckin A. We are trying to elect our first slightly dark skinned President, and that goddamn honky is over in Tibet winning a bunch of bling and taking all the press coverage off my ass."

"I'm just a guy out there doing his best to represent his country, and I get some jumped up little prick showing everyone how good he is at some stupid sport and taking the shiny lights and cameras off me."

Obama, pictured above, attempted to bring back his press coverage by frolicking naked in the water off the coast of Hawaii this weekend, but was unable to compete with the Superfish who chalked up another 14 Gold medals, and slept his way through both the American and Chinese Gymnast teams.

On being questioned about whether the Hawaiin frolicking was a publicity stunt to draw back a nation pissed off with the fact that an American election takes forever, Obamas campaign manager had this to say - "Frankly, I am not sure what drove Barack to such lengths. Naked frolicking has been very low on our list of ways to increase his profile. I just thank christ it wasn't Hillary out there nude and wet."

Our intrepid reporter, after visualizing such a scene, had to be sedated.

Obama is back in Oregon as of this morning, where filming has begun for his appearance on Pimp My Ride. Negotiations are also in the process for having his wife, Michelle, appear naked in Playboy. Both Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres have pledged their support for such a move, "That bitch is smokin'!"

Phelps' return to the US is expected to coincide with a planned Swimming is For Fags Anyway support rally Obama has organised.

Sources: Captain Propaganda "Barack Obama Propaganda Site

Febreeze Releases New Chuck Norris Scent Deoderizer

2008-08-17T16:36:00.000-04:00

Proctor & Gamble, the maker of the popular Febreeze deoderizer line announced today that they have developed the most ultimate odour destroying scent ever created and likely that ever will be created. The new scent labeled as Essence or Norris is made from 1 drop of Chuck Norris' sweat and 4 cups of water. This powerful combination has the power to "punch odour in the face and them slam a revolving door on its head".

When asked for a comment on the new extreme deoderizer, Chuck Norris told the press that he is sure that with this product nobody will ever need to clean there house again as "my sweat will kill every bacteria in the world". Immediately after making that statement Chuck Norris with one roundhouse kick killed the entire news crew who asked him the question because "nobody asks Chuck no questions".

The new Febreeze scent is set to go on sale Tuesday nationwide at a price of $169.99 per can. The extreme price is due to the difficulty of making Chuck Norris sweat and the extreme risk involved in collecting it from him.

Spanish Olympic Basketball Team disqualified for being 'too asian'

2008-08-17T01:02:00.002-04:00

BEIJING, China - Several days ago pictures of the 'Spanish' Olympic basketball team surfaced on the internet and several major newspapers throughout Spain. The pictures were originally just pushed away as a kind-hearted "Screw You" to the Chinese and were immediately pushed away into the infinite trash-bin of the Olympics complaints.

However just yesterday, several Chinese athletes competing in the Olympics, discovered after closely examining the picture of the Spanish athletes, discovered that the Spanish basketball team had slit-eyes, a trademark feature of any Chinese person. The complaint from the Chinese reached the IOC, who after conducting a long and thought out investigation, declared that the entire Spanish basketball team was to be disqualified from the Olympics on the grounds that they are "Not Spanish enough."

The Spanish basketball team was stripped of all games that they had played and any medals they would have won, and was immediately shipped off back to Madrid International Airport, never to return to their home-country of China again.

The Spanish general public was outraged by this blatant idiocy exhibited by the IOC, and demanded that the Spanish basketball team be given its one loss back and a formal apology from the IOC. However the IOC has yet to issue a statement regarding the apology, or the loss being given back to Spain, and is rumored to not give a statement at all throughout the entire Olympic Games.

Sources
Andy Hooper "Spanish, or Asian?". Telegraph News, August 13, 2008

Phone Troubles

2008-07-20T23:21:00.003-04:00

With so much bullshit being spilled around about the iPhone last week, I thought I'd share with you my experience of activating my new Nokia 6275i Phone (as close to an iPhone as I'll ever get, pictured above).
Right from the very start, everything went to shit (oh yes, this turned into a shit abyss of cellphone activation). I was planning to sell my old Samsung phone to my mom for $50, pretty fair deal I thought. Here is where I encountered my first problem, my dad bought me the phone in the first place, so mother goes and takes the old Samsung for free. Now I've got to shell out $130+ for this new Nokia phone, but at least I've moved into the 21st century with it's many features.
Purchasing it wasn't hard all (except for the fact my mom had to give my debit card out her purse....she was banking for me earlier that day.....embarrassing, but who gives a fuck when your already buying a PC mobile phone in the first place....that's embarrassing, but they have fucking good rates! So fuck you! PC not only makes great second hand food but also provide quality phone service).
So I buy the damn thing, rush out to the car and get ready to go home and activate the new baby! Once we get back to my house, my grandpa is there (and amazed by this new technology I must say). I'm told to "read the instructions" first, so I glance over the 2000 pages, 20 pages on how the fucking thing works, the other bullshit is to cover Nokia's ass in case I get a brain tumor from using their phone, comforting isn't it? Some important info I do gather is that the phone must charge before I call to activate it. So I pluger in at 4 PM and it's done charging at 6:25PM....not to bad.
So I'm on the phone and tell the lady that I want to keep my same number and account just put it on the new phone and give the old Samsung a new number. Fucking bitch,! tried to pull a quick one on me and give me a new number all together.....fuck that! So I get my first txt msg on my new phone....exciting? Well it may have been (probably not though) if my mother didn't get the same txt msg as well......that Indian Call Center, fast talking, "Cell Phone Expert" pulled a quick one on me! I was pissed. At that point I had to inform a fellow Tennis player that I wouldn't be able to match up against him that evening as I was having "Phone Troubles".
After calming down a bit I made my glorious return to the Indian Call Center lines.
"Hello can I Speak to Ms. X, please" said Lucas casually.
"Who?" said the Indian"
"Ms. X? Umm I have her extension h..."
"Sorry I don't no who this... Ms. X is, you speak of" Replied Indian Call Lady.
Then who the fuck was I just talking to? Maybe she wasn't Indian at all....maybe she was Mexican, Chinesse, Japanese, or worse yet, American. Whatever nationality she was she had ruined my evening and it wasn't about to get any better. After being told to try this and try that from "New Indian Call Lady" I was about ready to throw the fucking thing out. I've never been a fan of people with cellphones anyway (ex. people who think there important because blares from their phone in the middle of the mall and attracts attention while they giggle with their friends because the one standing beside her had sent her a txt....we've all been.....don't you just want to punch them all in the face?). What a nice country we live in.
The only reason I wanted this new phone in the first place was so that I could Twitpic on it, and each time I do that it's gonna cost me 50 cents....what a rip off! (Don't blame PC though, quality phone company). And while were on the topic, my brother, and a lot of other people find Twitter to be a pretty "gay" site. I'll agree whole heartily (twitter.com/lucaswales) why couldn't they have come up with a more manly name than "Twitter"?.
Back on topic though, I follow New Indian Call Ladies very informative instructions and after about 45 mintues we get the phones all set and ready to go. At this point I'm just glad I don't have to talk to this woman ever again in my life. What followed that however was not so pleasing. I spent another hour or so trying to show my mom just how to use a cellphone (I think we accomplished turning the damn thing on, and making a call, txting lessons are being planned for the near future). After everything was in order I tried out the Blue tooth feature.....haven't mastered it yet....and not sure just what the fuck "bluetooth" is (sounds like some kind of old dental disease that they have pics posted of in the Dentist Office....."If You Don't Floss kids....you'll get the Blue tooth and look like this....) but I'll have to give it a go on the lappy sometime.
That was internet user "lucaswales"'s story on buying a new Nokia 6275i Phone last week. Oh, and for all his trouble, they threw him a $20 credit.

Luc Radio

2008-06-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

In iTunes go to the Advanced menu at the top and click open stream and where it tells you to put the URL copy and paste this link:
http://69.157.54.8:8000/listen.m3u

And if that link does not work for some reason or another try:
http://192.168.0.100:8000/listen.m3u

Email song requests to lucradiorequests@gmail.com

There will be tons of different programming on "Luc Radio" and make sure you follow twitter.com/lucradio to find out when certain shows will be on the air

Uncle Luc's Dictionary Of Word Origins

2008-05-30T11:12:00.002-04:00

Mascara

Meaning: A cosmetic applied to darken the eyelashes.

Origin: The word comes from the Spanish word máschera, which in turn comes from the Italian maschera, both of which mean, appropriately, "mask." The root of those words, however, is the Arabic maskharah, which mean "buffoon" or "clown."

Today's Fun Fact!: The longest earthworm ever found measured 22 feet from head to tail.
Today is also known as "Traditional Memorial Day"

Legal Briefs

2008-05-29T10:46:00.002-04:00

Real (Looney) Laws

It agaisnt the law to yell "Oh boy!" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
New Hampshire law says that when two cars meet at an intersection, each must wait for the other to pass.
If you're in a meat market in Los Angeles, it's against the law to poke the turkey to see how tender it is.
In Fort Madison, Iowa, the fire department is legally required to practice for 15 minutes before going to a fire.
Minnesota law forbids women to impersonate Santa Claus.
Unrestrained giggling on the street is illegal in Helena, Montana.

Today's Fun Fact!: Only 20% of diamonds are considered high enough quality to be classified as a "Gem."

Wordplay

2008-05-28T11:21:00.002-04:00

Twisted English Seen In Foreign Countries

"Danger! This toy is being made for the extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play." -warning label on a children's toy

"Soft Drinks: Cola, Ginger Ale, Milk, Flesh juice" -on a restaurant menu

"My Fannie" -toilet paper brand name

Todays Fun Fact!: Americans spend more than $540 million per year on products that control body odor.

A 21-Gun Salute...

2008-05-27T12:16:00.005-04:00

To author Dashiell Hammett, Born On This Day In 1894

Hammett pioneered the hard-boiled detective story and created the character Sam Spade. Here's an excerpt.

"On Spade's desk a limp cigarette smoldered in a brass filled with the remains of limp cigarettes. Ragged grey flakes of cigarette-ash dotted the yellow top of the desk and the green blotter and the papers that were there. A buff-curtained window, eight or ten inches open, let in from the court a current of air faintly scented with ammonia. The ashes on the desk twitched and crawled in the current." -The Maltese Falcon

Today's Fun Fact!: Question: Whats another word for the crater caused be a meteorite?
Answer: An Astrobleme.

Today Is Memorial Day

2008-05-26T11:24:00.002-04:00

The first Memorial Day was observed as Decoration Day on May 30, 1868, to honor those who died in the Civil War. Why "Decoration Day"? It was tradition to decorate the graves of veterans with flowers, wreaths, and crosses. At the very first Decoration Day service, more than 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers' graves were honored at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia. The holiday officially became "Memorial Day" in 1967

Today's Fun Fact!: Marlene Dietrich played the musical saw.

You Are What You Eat

2008-05-25T11:40:00.002-04:00

Real Jell-O Recipes From The 1950's

Florida Seacoast Salad: Grapefruit, cheese, avacado, shrimp, and lemon Jell-O.
Barbecue Jell-O: Combine a bottle of barbecue sauce (any brand) with Jell-O (any flavor). chill, cut into cubes, and serve on salad like croutons.
Shrimp Salad Surprise: Shrimp, garlic, onion, and sour cream in orange Jell-O, smothered in Italian dressing. Cut carfully into squares to ensure everybody gets some shrimp.
Deviled Jell-O Eggs: Pour Jell-O into egg-shaped molds, then halve them and fill them with deviled egg mixture.

Today's Fun Fact!: Top five causes of home accidents: Stairs, Glass Doors, Cutlery, Jars, Power Tools (in that order).

Tube Talk

2008-05-24T16:21:00.002-04:00

TV Casting Trivia

The Brady Bunch: Gene Hackman almost got the part of Mike Brady. But the producers cast Robert Reed because they didn't think Hackman was famous enough.
Bewitched: When baby Tabitha got old enough to be played by a toddler, two child actress were initially considered: Helen Hunt and Jodie Foster. (The part went to twins Diane and Erin Murphy.)
Desperate Housewives: Calista Flockhart, Heather Locklear, Courteney Cox, Sela Ward, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Mary-Louise Parker were all seriously considered for the role of Susan, which ultimately went to Teri Hatcher.

Todays Fun Fact!: World's largest consumer of sugar: The Coca-Cola Company. They also buy the most Vanilla.